WHEN NOTHING YOU DO FEELS GOOD ENOUGH
When my clients talk, it’s often clear how hard they are on themselves, especially compared to how they act towards other people in their life. They tend to focus on their flaws, second-guess their decisions, compare themselves to others, and feel like they’re not good enough no matter how hard they try. They may have trouble accepting compliments because they don’t believe what they’re hearing, and they so often speak negatively to themselves. They compare themselves to other people, or assume others are judging them. Low self-esteem can also make it difficult to set boundaries, speak up for themselves, or try something new because they’re afraid of failing or “messing up.” For adolescents, comparison may be fueled by social media and messages about how they should look or who they should be. For adults, it may show up as constant pressure to keep up with everyone around them. The underlying feeling is often the same: I’m not enough.
LEARNING TO TRUST YOURSELF
In therapy, I help clients understand where their lack of confidence came from and why those beliefs can be so difficult to let go of. We explore the experiences and relationships that contributed to how they see themselves while recognizing that those old messages don’t have to define them forever. Together, we work on challenging self-critical thoughts, building self-compassion, and developing a more balanced and realistic view of who they are. The goal isn’t to become perfect or confident all the time. It’s to begin trusting yourself and treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you so readily give to others.
